>>> ..:: 宫 :: --->>（宫锁心玉）

这六七天我疯了，有多少事可以也需要做，有多少觉可以补，却为了看完这39集的湖南卫视穿越剧持续的熬到凌晨两点…与其说是因为剧好，还不如承认这只是一个愚蠢的冲动。。。不过无论怎样都不能让那么多小时白费，所以要在这里记载一下我从中所得的收获。

• 历史是不能改变的--无论有多坏，过去就是过去。


• 关于生命：


• 这世上的无奈太多太多（例如“人活在世上，不仅仅是为了满足和开心，还有责任”）
  
• 环境和立场也会恶化我们看世界的方式（使我们为了防备而戴上假面、使仇恨或嫉妒成为我们活着的意义、使我们失去爱与信任，对待一切都充满怀疑……）


• 可到了最后，回头观看一生，我们除了自己以外，还对谁负责？清川说得好，“因为我要活着，不乐观怎么办啊？人生啊，总是会碰到这样那样的烦心事，开心也是一天，不开心也是一天，就让自己乐观点过吧。”


• 不管经历了什么，都该保留十四阿哥的那种单纯。对待人，“宁愿到最后是我看错了，去承受后果，也不要未雨绸缪”（36）


• 与其说“劝君更尽一杯酒，西出阳关无故人”，还不如祝“海内存知己，天涯若比邻，无为在歧路，儿女共沾巾”（37）


• 关于爱情：


• “愿得一心人，白首不相离”


• “缘来缘去，缘生缘灭，似缘非缘，缘尽情绝”－还是那句话，命中有时终须有 命中无时莫强求。


• “两个人两情相悦重在两情”－自作多情骗自己的人只是一厢情愿而已啊……


• “有美一人兮，见之不忘，一日不见兮，思之如狂，凤飞翱翔兮，四海求凰，无奈佳人兮，不在东墙，将琴代语兮，聊写衷肠，何日见许兮，慰我彷徨，愿言配德兮，携手湘江，不得于飞兮，使我沦亡”－好美啊。。。


• 与其“在天愿作比翼鸟，在地愿作连理枝”，因为下半句是“天长地久有时尽，此恨绵绵无绝期”，不如“愿我如星君如月，夜夜流光相皎洁”（20）


• 爱，就是信任。就算能说出如此动人的话-- “不是她好 是一种很奇怪的感觉 你守在她身边 你会觉的踏实 你愿意所有的话都与她分享 所有的事情都为她去做 她笑了 你整颗都豁然开朗 她哭了 你整颗心也跟着揪在一起 你会时时刻刻想跟她在一起 想亲她 想抱她 想和她变成同一个人 不 你会觉的 你们根本就是同一个人＂ --没有信任，就没有爱。


• “夜寒漏永千门静，破梦钟声度花影，梦想回思忆最真，哪堪梦短难常亲，兀坐谁教梦更添，起步修廊风动帘，可怜两地隔吴越，此情唯附天边月＂--爱得深刻，必定伤的深刻，但还是要爱啊！


• 关于婚姻：


• “女人能管住男人不是本事，能改变男人那才是本事”


• “有些事情，不应该是女人去做的，在场面上赢过男人不太好”（36）


• 偶与这为高人颇有同感

最后，欣赏一下四阿哥给晴川写的信吧：

你见 或者不见我

我就在那里

不悲不喜

你念 或者不念我

情就在那里

不来不去

你爱 或者不爱我

爱就在那里

不增不减

你跟 或者不跟我

我的手就在你手里

不舍不弃

来我的怀里

或者，让我住进你的心里

默然相爱 寂静喜欢

!!! a r.ANT on《爱》--->>

以下是17岁的我对人间的爱（更准确地说，爱情）的种种看法：

1. 一见钟情不存在：如果有，那一定是证实以下三点的好例子。换句话来说，所谓一见钟情的“情”保证（1）虚假、（2）短暂、（3）与性有关。
2. 真正的爱情不存在：没办法，只能怪耶稣设下的标准太高了。
3. 永久的爱请不存在：激情不可能无穷，就好像青春不可能永恒。凡事都是新鲜才有趣、有吸引力；所谓对象也一样。
4. 布拉图式的爱请不存在：没错，人就是有性的动物！

我并不认为我太过苛刻、悲观……只是比较现实。

`~[{ Quest ion s of 2 01 0 }]~..

这些小小的问题以及小小的领悟也许许多年以后不再会重要，但我不舍得让它们化为记不起来的回忆。。。

• 态度：一向“成熟”的我如今似乎显得有些单纯、天真。。。是否是好事？看世界乐观、对生命执著，会不会令我脆弱、不堪一击？是否我对一切太认真？是不是该活得轻松点、凡事看开点、变得更“拿得起放得下”？
• 智力：多少是天生的，又多少是努力？小时候那种没有解释的优势，好像在渐渐消遣。。。积累的优势能长久吗？为什么有时候会有种无法进步的感觉？到底有没有做出类拔萃的“聪明人”的潜力？
• 动力：我的动力何在？之前那么努力，都是为了什么？为何现在发现越来越没劲？如何重新振作，做出我可以做的一切？
• 未来：我要的到底是什么？究竟是哪时候，做大夫的理想成为里所当让？而又是为了什么？情况与期望可不可以指挥兴趣和内心的感受？
• 感情：如何分辨友情与“喜欢”？所谓感情多少是因为知道对方喜欢自己？所谓自作多情多少是因为孤独、因为需要被爱？而一切又有何意义？既然最后不会有结果也不想有结果，又何必纠结？

=*=红::楼::梦=*=

不管这样妥不妥当，我要把2010的最后15分钟花在中国四大名著最大悲剧上。

这是看旧电视剧的第二次，第一次不记得哪年，不过我太小，懂得少，记得更少。唯一印象就是贾宝玉在结局里独自一人拄着拐杖走向不知哪方。

这次特别想搞明白复杂的故事情节以及乱套的人物关系，没想到问谁都没问我妈好。谁知道离我最近的人竟是位“红学家”！

从古至今学者们对红楼梦的感叹是丛书也述不完的，所以以下不过是我迷你大脑此时此刻能够加工出来的想法，不可能广泛，而且随时可被改变/进化：

• 贾母：虽然选择了睁一只眼闭一只眼，也总该为下几代的未来考虑考虑吧？


• 王夫人：迟早别装着一幅和蔼可亲的假样，还以为自己听清白的呢


• 贾宝玉：这种细腻的男人的确罕见，但并不是喜；男人就该活的大方些，何必跟多心的女人们纠缠？


• 林黛玉：我不相信多愁善感的心病是命；为何不抓住自己的命运，放放手、看看开？


• 薛宝钗：看得透、看得开、凡事拿得起放得下，值得学习


• 薛蟠：这人也要有点约束吧…


• 王熙凤：这么个聪明人，何况自己也是为虚荣而活，为何就看不出丈夫需要最多的是虚荣，是空间，是自由？


• 贾琏：一个人到底能没脸到什么地步？


• 平儿：这丫头的立场实在够艰难的；谁又能做得更好？


• 袭人：迟早别太自以为是！


• 晴雯：活的泼辣，死也不甘心；一辈子都真实，但又何必那么要强？


• 鸳鸯：不被他人动摇，活着就该活给自己，谁都没有权利/能力让我做我不愿做的事


• 柳湘莲：说得对--大观园里除了石头狮子，恐怕连猫和狗都不是干净的，可是谁又有本事道德上高高在上呢？


• 尤三姐：何苦呢？

最后说一句。。。不看87版红楼梦不知道，一看吓一跳：原来汉族中绝色美女还真不少呢！尤其是这位林黛玉（陈晓旭）：

可惜好像真人长得并不怎么样。。。而且死的比较早……

\\\::刻下来的幸福时光::\\\

我鄙视郭敬明，因为他太做作，文字那么悲伤，那么深刻，人却是一名副其实的伪君子……无论如何，借了他书名作标题，因为适当。

先说说'09年的事吧。才隔了一年，就觉得好遥远，发生了的事在脑海中是一团解不开的棉花。还好我了解我自己，知道我需要把一切想记住的都写下来……

3月底可以说是比较值得一说: Forum for Young Canadians. 对Ottawa的印象不咋地，除了Parliament Hill 就破破烂烂的。对一块的那帮人的印象不怎么深，没交什么很好的朋友，一部分是因为我当时不够社交，再一部分是好多人是跟伙伴儿一块去的，不过最重要的是我其实跟那些人没多少共同语言：一在中国人少，二在Albertans少（无名小镇的多），三在真正是去学东西的人少。总的来说speeches/presentations还是不错的，只可惜一个都记不起来了……可能最难忘的是观看Question Period吧，还有参观Parliament Library、、、能那么近距离的接触国会院还是蛮荣幸的。还有就是那是我第一次单独坐飞机，感觉实在不错……

4月底是参加Kiwanis的最后一次。当时也算是豁出去了，报了4个班。Kabalevsky的那场我如今都不甘心，烂评委竟让我输给了个连8级曲子都乱造的人！种族歧视也该隐蔽点，难道看见个漂亮的黄发蓝眼人儿就给第一？？岂有此理！还好后面3场都是另一个评委，还算公平。Ravel的输的挺惨的，本以为理所当然的第一名还是到别人拿了……Schumann那场，怎么说呢，如果不是因为另外那个选手是罕见的钢琴天才/美女，说不定还有戏，毕竟在那首ABEGG上我花了不少功夫…可惜我去晚了，本该我先弹…眼睁睁看完了人家国际表演水平的我怎么可能不泄气呢，上台时当然已经毫无信心了。。。Schubert没意思，在只有我一个人的班得了第一…而且我怀疑我那90%跟评委可怜我很有关系、、、不过后来为了那首Sonata D960赚了$150，所以我还是高兴不过的啦~

5月Student Council竞选，当然还是没进。After that, I lost all interest in being on SC--after I came face to face with the hypocrisy of the whole thing. The only reason I made the stupid decision to apply for a VP-level position was because Ms. S. told me I had a good chance--especially with her as my "biggest fan". So after my hopes for Exec Assistant were crushed, I thought I'd for sure get at least Rep on Internal--Ms. S's board. But guess what? I didn't. For the 2nd year in a row. Who did? Lisa. Ok, I'm fine with that. BUT when she had to quit because of her aunt, I was next in line, NOT some guy who didn't even apply for the board and who has no problem telling the world that the only reason he's doing SC is for his resume! Yes, that guy's Danny. No, I had no good opinion of him back then. Anyway, I'm telling no lie when I say that, had Ms. S. not left the school, I would NOT have applied again to SC at the end of grade 11. And, btw, that's when I decided I would not be taking Leadership in grade 11.

6月……我的钢琴天涯来到了一种终结。12号的ARCT考试也算是我上了12多年的钢琴课的葬礼。考的并不理想，不过至少过了，也就释怀了。虽不上课了，但还是有很多想学的曲子；虽不会有有老师时候那样的动力，但我对钢琴的感情可不是一两年就会消逝的。同时我也希望能够更多的探索唱歌的技巧和乐趣~
7月绝对不精彩，Physics20本来上的好好的，结果最后考试考得巨砸、、、唉，无所谓了。

8月当然是那一整年的焦点：移民快6年了，这才第一次回国。想仔细看看到底发生了什么吗？http://user.qzone.qq.com/1164224289
在这说说见了老乡&老友们之后的感想吧。

• 王涛：我对他的爱永远都在我对他的哀怜的阴影里，而为此我无法原谅自己。
• 王孝文：我们就像lost twins一样，迅速变成了对方的知己…第一次有那种感觉，令我有些忐忑，有些不安，有些内疚，有些自责--怕别人能看的清清楚楚我都在想什么。只不过他对我的兴趣完全出于尊重--我是他的姑姑--与好奇--我是新鲜的、我的立场是他的向往。所以为他买的webcam在QQ用了几次也就找到别的用处了。我就是这样，感情永远都得不到答复。
• 王璐芳：依然是我永远可靠的、会心的、慷慨的、不可能说出一句坏话作出一件坏事的姐姐。
• 李雅萍：比我想象的胖、可爱，出乎意料的亲近。
• 张胤哲：比我印象里胖多了，不过人是丝毫未变，还是比较自以为是，只是没那么照顾我了。
• 王艾钰：跟我想象的差不多，只是爱美、爱打扮到一种我比较难接受的程度。
• 管健：依然是我脑海里皮肤嫩白的、黄头发的、安静的、微笑的、聪慧的管健，不过难以置信的高（比我就差了3公分！），钢琴水平有点令人失望，而且有些难找话题谈。
• 姚博闻：这个在我记忆中的stock character到底没变，还是傲慢无比，而且比以前更难接近；好处是好像摆脱了她妈妈的那种做作，至少没有假装热情。
• 王天琛：胖我可以接受，爱打篮球我可以猜到，永远微微笑我可以回忆，可那极端的内向与羞怯实在令我无法释然--学校难道没有朋友吗？

当然有的是想见的人都没见着；可笑的是，回来之后用QQ和人人找到的同学倒越来越多。有些稍微聊了两三句，不过大多数都是加了朋友就完事了…不过至少知道他们都还在，还隐约的记得我。令我不可思议的是他们一律的缺乏的好奇心：没有一个专门来问我加拿大的事。想必想留学的不少，但没一个主动找我调查信息。是不屑吗？是虚荣吗？还是一种表征整个国家的一种被动态、一种动力上的呆滞？难道5年后的我们在态度上真的天各一方？实在令人感叹万分啊。。。

9月，就在16岁生日前后，发现了永远不想再次面对的事实。。。在此欲言又止……

11年级没什么可说的，大事也就这些：

• 最花费时间/精力：TVT Technical Director
• 最精彩：3月Ski Trip: Lake Louise
• 最令人无语：GETFest（aka Sharlene Thomas)--不像解释，因为没有好回忆
• 最惊悚：座LRT忘带月票，差点罚了$150
• 最不可理喻、荒唐：CL的要不是Dora告诉我我怎么猜也猜不到的事
• 最得意：HI & Math Portfolio & IOP 都得了满分（可惜都不算什么分……）
• 最没意义：没事找事试考了个 UofT Biology Competition
• 最不知是笑还是哭：终于上SC了，可惜是在SC最缺经验、没潜力、不团结的一年
• 最有可能后悔：辞掉了EDC几乎完美的工作

总体上不怎么精彩，但蛮安谧的一个学年。

!!! {back after 670 days}---->>

上一个post是2009/03/01。

我忘了为什么我把这blog给忘了……有点惭愧，因为这又成为了一件我说了会做但是没有去做的事。。。Nevertheless, I will live.today.only while trying to emancipate the 1.75 voiceless years.

就让今天--这2010年最后的一天--成为新起点吧~

~``FuRuBa >> @last::..&&

I could've finished it when it was finished, but I had to wait till a random time like yesterday to read those last chapters....
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

8 years and 4 months. and I was with it for at least half that time, I think. pretty crazy, ne? I could almost say something cheezy like "it was a tender companion throughout my early teenage years."

anyway...some random thoughts on the concluding chapters:

-〉结局很圆满。pretty much all the characters were covered, and it really ends the huge series with a sense of "finally..!"
-〉我喜欢TOHRU的“片刻软弱。”when she finally couldn't bring herself to smile that practiced smile.
-〉早就厌倦了的“失败父母”主旋最后一次出现。pretty extreme too...KYO's father yells "I'm never going to forgive you" for the 100th time.
-〉我可以为我爱的人放弃一切吗？总觉得那样无悔的放弃自己而跟着一个人走…我做不到。我想…即使爱有那么大的力量，我也最终会后悔的。或许我的梦想不应该那么多…或者我就是太自私……也只能走着瞧了~ 也许妈妈说的对--小时候都这样；长大就不会那么理想主义了。


. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

random thoughts on the entire series could take me days, so I won't make it an immediate endeavor right now...

>>OBAMA<< ~ Inaugural Addess::..

--Jan. 20, 2009--

~a day that our generation will not forget.

(I regret having to always go back to things that happened a month ago...x__x)

I'd copy & paste the whole thing here, but it'd totally make the page load 10x slower...so here's the website instead :D

Alright, so I know that he didn't write one word of it, but I still can't help but respect the person who spoke these words.
..:: especially these-->> "This is the meaning of our liberty and our creed -- why men and women and children of every race and every faith can join in celebration across this magnificent mall, and why a man whose father less than 60 years ago might not have been served at a local restaurant can now stand before you to take a most sacred oath."

And yes, I think I understand why some sitting in the audience would be moved to tears.

Tri-Prov '09, Dunk-Comp, && >>

not a whole lot to say about Tri-Prov......basically made sad attempts at each of the Tech duties and ended up piling them one by one on Janice x_x >>>> webpage was definitely an epic fail...eventually resorted to Geoff having to bribe Yuri with concession admission -___-;; only to find out that there was absolutely nothing more to it than copy-paste, edit, and upload. . . . . what a serious disappointment. <.<

the new invention, Dunk Comp, was quite the success. Actually, though, the main discussion here is Jordan Baker. 6'4", all-star on both senior vball and bball (and therefore numerous media appearances), leadership student....and, according to my recent discovery, candidate for the 95% Scholastic Distinction scholarship from the U of A.
>>>>>>>>>>> talk about achievement...>>>>>>>> and then look at me.
When it comes to achievement, though, Aaron (and Heidt) is right--nobody's gonna beat Charles Lim. 3-year 100% IB average, excellent leadership participation (including, I think, some time in the SC), numerous community contributions (including soccer-coaching!), and fifth in national badminton championships.
>>>>>>>>>>> now that really makes me feel bad.


hah. back to Tri-Prov.........

the tourney itself... for some reason ended up sitting at concession 24/7 with the few volunteers who actually showed, while the actual finance peeps watched the games -___- definitely more than got my share of free food....which, as usual, does not turn out all that well.
I suppose there was a reason for my lingering around conc...but that is strictly private information---undisclosable even to myself.

{h.o.t.e.l. - R.W.A.N.D.A}

-> the movie of a lifetime <-

[watched in History class]

.:.:: the haunting sadness of the intricately-portrayed mass-killing-of-the-century will renew its impact on me again and again...

UC - San Francisco

UCSF = the only hope I have for a future away from Edmonton [as of today] -- and so the destination is established, and that's that.

♫ --little boxes--

I believe this was from an English class of about 2 months ago, but it's really stuck (more than other things, anyway). I think you'll know why::..


-> the best version by Linkin Park (only first 2 verses)

-> the website (with other versions. Click on Season 3)

-> the lyrics:

1. Little boxes on the hillside,
Little boxes made of ticky-tacky,
Little boxes, little boxes,
Little boxes, all the same.
There's a green one and a pink one
And a blue one and a yellow one
And they're all made out of ticky-tacky
And they all look just the same.

2. And the people in the houses
All go to the university,
And they all get put in boxes,
Little boxes, all the same.
And there's doctors and there's lawyers
And business executives,
And they're all made out of ticky-tacky
And they all look just the same.

3. And they all play on the golf-course,
And drink their Martini dry,
And they all have pretty children,
And the children go to school.
And the children go to summer camp
And then to the university,
And they all get put in boxes
And they all come out the same.

4. And the boys go into business,
And marry, and raise a family,
And they all get put in boxes,
Little boxes, all the same.
There's a green one and a pink one
And a blue one and a yellow one
And they're all made out of ticky-tacky
And they all look just the same.

.happiness.//?

01/13 Veeda said something totally unexpected..."I know what's important--being happy~!"
And...it really struck me. Cause I really do not know if I'm happy or not anymore......I'm not sure I ever had a standard of measurement for happiness, and I honestly cannot say what was the happiest moment of my life if someone were to ask...but it just seems like I'm living life too fast to really enjoy it, and there seems to be much more busy planning and preparing for the future than there is actually enjoying today....
The concept just seems so...muddy..and I guess I've just gotten the wake up call.


但是从另一个角度看这个问题.....每个人的“幸福”都有不同的定义...或许对我来说幸福就是每天的小而无意的事--看到乐乐的笑脸，吃到妈妈从办公室拿回来的小吃，弹琴比前一天有进步，就连在学校跟朋友聊无聊的天......我想也许我比我想象的幸福多了....>.<

well at least one thing made me happy this week~~ finding out that I got 93% on the History 5 exam!


[[希望每次post都能用点儿中文 xD]]

Summary - Jan. 1-11

Since I was a bit late in creating this blog for the new year, I will summarize my new year so far here.
1st - work (Sobeys Southbrook) - 1.5 pay - yay! - still very sick - is it the flu??
2nd - registered for Kiwanis - ALL repertoire! - except Partita #2 - must practice!!!
3rd - work (again. - 8 hrs!) - officially "resigned" - last day will be 17th - why? piano. sad? not really (except might miss a certain someone)
5th - school starts! - nothing seemed to have changed - helping with Grad appointments - shock! christy x ryan!!
6th - first theory lesson of the new term - Harmony V + Analysis! - crazy workload!
8th - very late flu shot...then bussed to BMO...took the SAME bus back home!
10th - work (new term at the Dance Centre) - all hours for Work Experience complete!

MY E-DIARY

It's amazing how much a person can be inspired by a friend...There's just about only one person who can successfully convince me to do something I've always meant to do without saying anything. Thank you.

There isn't too much to say about why I created this blog, since it's all been said: blub-land.blogspot.com
However, I think I would be much less inclined to add multimedia to my blog...it would mainly be boring old text.

And, without out much further ado, I hope this will be the first of many, many posts.